dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
