I think i peed on brittanys purse
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
