So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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