i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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