I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
