the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
