Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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