it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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