pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
