if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
