i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
