he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
