you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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