i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
