Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
MIDGETS
????
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
