I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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