I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
