Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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