are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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