I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
