So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
