Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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