you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
