U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
