insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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