Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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