Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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