I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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