I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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