you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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