Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
