you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
