Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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