he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
