So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
