lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
