No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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