So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
