Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
