White coat. Heels.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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