you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
