But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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