SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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