just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
