i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
