Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
