im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
