im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
