You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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