I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
