that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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