Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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