everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When did angry sex become our thing?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
