if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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