You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
