I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
