Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
