did you get engaged???
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
