Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
