He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
