i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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