I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
