We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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