He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
