i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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