can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
