Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
