I cockslap morals
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
