Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
