I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
