I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
