dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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